Angry Rock

Today it seems i am choosing to be angry. A rock i seem sitting there for you to step on lean on and hold down what weight you may need. But today i am choosing to be angry. If i am that rock i wanna be in the landslide in the Philippines. Lost in the mud and chaos a piece of rubble nothing compared to a tree. I am choosing to be angry. Therefore do not lean on me. I am not your rock i am the rubble smashed by mother natures choosing. How is it you can slip and slide lose your footing but always grasp on to me? Not today because damn it i am angry. Lean on me and the slope you will be mixed with is mud and rubble lost just as me. For today i can not carry your weight i can not be your back bone nor your tree. You must stand and be a man because that is what i need. Damn it i am choosing to be angry. Its your turn and your chance to be a rock for me. At this point my anger is leading me to believe i must always be the rock and as of now i have lost me. Do not coming looking i have been washed into the sea, if you are not strong enough to save me you will drowned looking for that rock you need.

My New Thoughts on a Blessing

In the morning i rise with the same discouragement on my heart as the night and day before. I pray to the Lord to give me the motivations to keep swimming through the dread i live in. I have spent many nights and days asking for a blessing.. a blessing in love, work, money, understanding, guidance etc... Then today there was a blessing of not just understanding; but the understanding of being blessed with such a great friend and guide. My ignorance was turned to bless. I realized before me i had a friend who within him beholds such knowledge and wisdom i could only wish to obtain such qualities. His mind is like sponge full of facts and understanding. His heart is dedicated to the Lord but not with the the lashing tongue of a Evangelist or condemnation on his shoulder for all who may walk talk or live in way which he does not. He is a man whom is a vessel to many people and walks closer to God then most of us will ever reach. His presence alone makes me feel i am a bit closer to the blissful existence of what true faith and spirituality maybe. Maybe the things i ask God to bless me with each day are not revealed in this instance, but still i behold the blessing of a treasured friend. That i will hold on to in the darkness of my times, the reminder that maybe the blessing we ask for are not the blessing we need at that time... Sometimes our blessing is the realization of what has been in front of us for so long but never made its way to our blessing request box. This is dedicated to Brother David my dear friend and a man who has guided me through some of my darkest times. In my heart he will be blessed much in the afterlife for all he has done in this one. Thank you Brother David.