Silence the screams

What do you do when your breath is being ripped from your lungs by the pain inflicted in your heart. When you want to yell a million words but a gasp for air is all you are capable of. What are you to do when you want to run after something but your legs give out and all you can do is crawl.

Crawl across the rocks and dirt, degrading yourself by being so weak and pathetic. Suffocated by your own tears that flow so fast they drowned you. A cycle is a cycle.. either to follow or break.. a man is a man but yet so many more things.. A lover, a sinner, a helper, a supporter a worthless waste of flesh. A woman is a woman but yet so many other things in the same. Pathetic, Strong, A mother sister and lover.

Streams echo in my eyes i can not here anything said to me.. I drop to my knees and cover my ears to escape the excruciating pain.. but the screams are not muffled. What to do when your head and heart seemed to explode. When you pray for them to explode in hopes that no longer will there be screams or pain. But never do they let up leaving you with the suffering and no relief.

What are you to do when hopes become helpless pleas. When faith becomes a dream. When happiness is a far memory. The only strength you have left is to open your eyes and dread each moment you are awake. Wishing that for just one night you could dream of goodness instead of your subconsciousness replaying all the horrible things that bring more screams.

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To Those Alone on Valentine's Day

Today is a cheerful day for loved ones in so many ways. Gifts and kisses upon waking. I love yous and cards with glorious saying. How beautiful this day can be. My memories have a couple. But to the man or the women who do not receive that card or kiss, i know how it feels for them. I have realized a day is just a day. Love is there when it chooses to be not when the calender tells us it is. To the people who do not have the positive aspects in their life on this day it is a curse. They wake alone with no one they see flowers being delivered. Their co-workers carrying balloons and opening cards. What a whole in the chest that feels. Even to loved ones who have a spouse whom does not bless them with the showering of love. This day can bring more heart ache than love in so many ways. I use to be a strong believer in these holidays. My mother always got me a stuffed animal and candy. Never did i rise in the morning not have a memoir or gift of some sort from her to show her love. Times change we get older, no longer do i have my mother to leave things on the kitchen table for me in the morning. No longer do i have her kisses to make me feel loved on such a day. A day of love has become a day of expectation which in the end many get let down. Blessed are those who wake in the arms of a loved one. Blessed are those who have been kissed and hugged. Take not for granted those who have such warmth and celebration in their lives. And pray that those with out will one day feel the same. Maybe today is not all of our days to celebrate, but may sometime in our lives on whatever date we feel what others feel today. In my thoughts are those who are lonely. This blog is for the lonely. To all that are alone keep hope in your hearts that a day besides today you will celebrate love in some way at some time. Just as God does not give us blessing right when we ask, eventually they do come when not expected.