IF

If the lake freezes, where will the ducks swim?

If the trees fall where will the birds nest?

If the sun disappears how will the flowers grow?

If...

If all is lost will you find faith?

No sun is needed for when i close my eyes i still see the light.

I need no ears because my mind still hears.

I can feel the warmth with no eyes or ears.

With no sun internally i will find warmth.

If all is lost i will find faith.

Diseased by Man

He is diseased. A sore on your lip.

Infection draining from every orifice.

Driving your temperature to high.

Forcing you body to shut down.

His vial smell leaks from your genitals.

The stench ever lurking.

It brings severe nausea causing vomit to explode from your mouth.

The fluid which drowns your lungs.

Rotting flesh falls from your body.

He is the sickness but now it is you that is looked at with such disgust.

Diseased by man.

Mother and Child

What i would give to have my mother. Death may come upon me and as long as i had her touch one last time i would be content. Why did i wait so many years not loving and just living. Living in darkness but finding the light when she is in my presence. How ignorant can i be for so long.

Now miles away with nothing i wish more than ever for my mother. Everything else is superficial but the love for a mother is the realest thing i have ever felt. The hope she gives me with just her words and prayers.

If i could just lay in her lap and cry because only then will the tears stop. In that moment nothing matters because she is everything. How empty life becomes without her by my side. Where every fear is everlasting because she is not there to tell you there is nothing to fear.

I dream of her face only to wake in tears realizing she is not there. Thinking each day what if i never see her again. Knowing never can i leave this place if she still exist. Knowing if she ever left this place i would no longer exist. Because there is no light in the darkness. There is no peace in my heart with out her words.

Death come to me just let me hug her one more time. Take all from my life and just let her hold my hand. Give me no love in life just give me hers.

Silence the screams

What do you do when your breath is being ripped from your lungs by the pain inflicted in your heart. When you want to yell a million words but a gasp for air is all you are capable of. What are you to do when you want to run after something but your legs give out and all you can do is crawl.

Crawl across the rocks and dirt, degrading yourself by being so weak and pathetic. Suffocated by your own tears that flow so fast they drowned you. A cycle is a cycle.. either to follow or break.. a man is a man but yet so many more things.. A lover, a sinner, a helper, a supporter a worthless waste of flesh. A woman is a woman but yet so many other things in the same. Pathetic, Strong, A mother sister and lover.

Streams echo in my eyes i can not here anything said to me.. I drop to my knees and cover my ears to escape the excruciating pain.. but the screams are not muffled. What to do when your head and heart seemed to explode. When you pray for them to explode in hopes that no longer will there be screams or pain. But never do they let up leaving you with the suffering and no relief.

What are you to do when hopes become helpless pleas. When faith becomes a dream. When happiness is a far memory. The only strength you have left is to open your eyes and dread each moment you are awake. Wishing that for just one night you could dream of goodness instead of your subconsciousness replaying all the horrible things that bring more screams.

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To Those Alone on Valentine's Day

Today is a cheerful day for loved ones in so many ways. Gifts and kisses upon waking. I love yous and cards with glorious saying. How beautiful this day can be. My memories have a couple. But to the man or the women who do not receive that card or kiss, i know how it feels for them. I have realized a day is just a day. Love is there when it chooses to be not when the calender tells us it is. To the people who do not have the positive aspects in their life on this day it is a curse. They wake alone with no one they see flowers being delivered. Their co-workers carrying balloons and opening cards. What a whole in the chest that feels. Even to loved ones who have a spouse whom does not bless them with the showering of love. This day can bring more heart ache than love in so many ways. I use to be a strong believer in these holidays. My mother always got me a stuffed animal and candy. Never did i rise in the morning not have a memoir or gift of some sort from her to show her love. Times change we get older, no longer do i have my mother to leave things on the kitchen table for me in the morning. No longer do i have her kisses to make me feel loved on such a day. A day of love has become a day of expectation which in the end many get let down. Blessed are those who wake in the arms of a loved one. Blessed are those who have been kissed and hugged. Take not for granted those who have such warmth and celebration in their lives. And pray that those with out will one day feel the same. Maybe today is not all of our days to celebrate, but may sometime in our lives on whatever date we feel what others feel today. In my thoughts are those who are lonely. This blog is for the lonely. To all that are alone keep hope in your hearts that a day besides today you will celebrate love in some way at some time. Just as God does not give us blessing right when we ask, eventually they do come when not expected.

EVOLUTION

I was kissed and loved.. warmth upon my cheek and heat from my core.. Chaos and hatred consuming so many nights.. Tears.. Anger... Fear... In love all these things... Not love then... patient.. yes ... kind .. yes... forgiving... yes... Destructive... Abandoning... Deception... Love still then? Day one and two are all pain. Day three, four and five freedom. Six then there is love. Seven confusion. Back to day one. So does day six make the other six worth the equality. Maybe it all equates to an illusion in which you can not undisguise. Running from the same walls to be freed only to be trapped by the same emotions in four more walls. Pondering if its the walls i should have ran from or the illusion. Yes then No.. Right then Wrong. Sail has been ripped but the boat still floating. Lightening struck the tree and it has been shredded but during spring it still blooms on the right side with branches anew. Only to look charred and dead in the fall and winter waiting for spring once again.

EMPTY

As i keep dreaming i wonder am i doing right or wrong. Which is harder following through then failing or turning back to face failure.. Either way it's a failure. Pains that are hindering my heart seems to overwhelm me and adjustment is just another word for deal with what ever shit you are in. I dream big and live small.. I talk large and yell soft.. I am waiting for that miracle you see. Where for once i don't look around and think where am I... Is this where i am to be... to be with... to be moving towards... are any streets different for me if i am only looking down either way.. If i am not looking up then my roads all look the same.. I find my self so envious of everyone i do look upon thinking they are so much greater.. even if my peacock feathers seem bright and beautiful really it is a illusion it seems. Do i press the publish button with the ignorance anyone reads what i think... No i am not that ignorant... maybe just that hopeful..

HELPING HANDS

Normally I Blog with poetry, but today I read a blog from one of my favorite singers Alex Deleon about a lady who has been stricken with a illness killing her heart. I can go into the politics all day regarding the issues she is having getting treatment because she does not have insurance, but I won't all of us without it know the struggle of what it is like to not get proper treatment do to lack of insurance. I am posting his blog site address because my words can not compare to his heart felt story and request for a hand. Please if you can take the time and check out his blog it will be seen in Gods eyes as a gracious person who will be blessed. http://symphonysoldier.com/ My prayers go out to everyone and to this women and her family.
-Angelic

In Gods Image

A man who cries no tears speaks no fears how dare he defile a women of cheer her heart of gold her soul of gold. Do not dare defy his child the child of god. He said in my image she was made and you took her and made her insane. With god left to see what his image to be, was crushed and sunken to the deep sea. He cried oh why must my child be defiled? She was perfect to me.The man with no tears said because I have nothing to fear no God shall make me scared. So God morned his angel his child and showed the man with no fears, he will cry tears of blood that burn and blind. Man who god made bleed tears lived three hundred and forty two years with nothing but bloody tears and fears. Then is when the man with no tears faced god at the golden gate with nothing but fear. Behind him stood his child to bright to see, waiting for god to judge he. God spoke then and said" luckily child you have been remade. Now a snake you shall be. Live two hundred more years eating dirt and hiding from me then maybe you will see through this gate and be with my child me. "