Running

running
i have been running... running from not things i don't want... but things i want.. i run in fear of getting what i want and losing it... so you say better love lost then never loved... i say pain of loneliness is way better than pain of another... am i wrong.. does it even matter... how much control do i truly have.. how much is instinct.. can i change instinct... change what i have been turned into... so you say just let go... i say what is there to let go of... let go of me... this is me... no matter how much i hate it... i have change many things but this i can not change... because when i let go then my fears come true then i regret... i don't want to regret so i avoid.. is there any wining in this situation.. time and time again i hear lectures of how i am and how i need to be.. but this makes no difference... so am i destined to be like this for forever and always... or is God just making me this way for now.. i say i don't want things but in reality i do want them but don't want to lose them therefore i say i really don't want them... whoa what is going on... what can i do...