I Chose My Battles

I pick and chose my battles. I fight the fights that seem unconquerable in all aspects. My love is hard and true. I have lost ones I love but do not dwell on them because if it was mutual love it never would have been lost. I gain superficial friends with whom they call themselves true at heart. Then I see they are only figments of my imagination shallow in their existence only looking for the next victim to suck into there world of sick loneliness. My strength lies in my aloneness where I am completely intact with who I am and what I stand for. Words are thrown at me with intent to harm. I deflect such attempts by simply staying true to me. No one can tell me who I am. People can only make assumptions which I find entertaining at heart. I don’t let you in because you do not have what it takes to be close to me. When I walk I do not see faces I see eyes and thru eyes I see the heart. I have mistaken many to be one thing and find out they are another. Once again I do not morn the loss of a facade. If you have crossed me I will not engage in a confrontation with those of ill intent. I will act as if you don’t exist because people like you do not deserve the battles I chose to fight.

whore of love

Oh dear women how I wish that I was crazed, so I would have no sense and rip your childish face from your skull and inflict such pain. A women of disease oh dear lord keep me from judging thee… but oh how the anger intensifies, making me wish my insanity could lead me to believe killing her would retrieve what she has taken from me. And him oh him a wolf in the sheep’s skin, the adulterer the liar… the killer of me and my desire… but on you little jezebel I do wish you to burn in hell… such terrible things I breathe but beyond my skin, muscles, bones, and dreams there is only hate I wish to unleash on she… how dare you tread in my waters and think you would not sink… how dare you lie in my bed and make my sheets stink.. Lay your head on my pillow where my tears have fell… how dare you think your forever; oh you poor thing … you child sweet child keep dreaming of having what I behold… thank the lord that my anger does not unfold... you love a man with a heart in which you do not hold.. I have the only power to make him bend and fold… you are a moment and I am a life event… find your own lover and struggles which I have met… day one I met you and your face was a lie, day two I try to find something besides a desperate child inside, day three and I see your nothing to he, day four and you score only to believe, that the game that was being played had everything to do with you, when it was truly of me… you have been used and discarded nothing but a can to be recycled. Move on little child and know karma will bite you… I have the strength of ten men and weak for only one... but I will always overcome... for I am what you are not... real and hard to stop… what you know of love is nothing… your reflection is a child bluffing... you search for any to love you and lie on your back and think it makes you important… all it makes you is a whore a whore of man and I speak of that because I too have been a whore for love.. A dumb women wishing that giving myself would bring one to actually love... you are superficial in so many ways your Gucci your Prada your name brand things… I stand naked with no fancy designs just so the world can see I have nothing to hide… for I am not flawless in any sense at all my face is unperfected and I have huge scars and all… but most of all I have a man of many flaws who loves me all in all…I am a fool for him but you are a fool for life.. and with that you have been disbarred.

So you call me fake

So fake is an opinion based upon those who know nothing of who I am... fake is a word used only as a reflection of their own selves... lonely self-indulgent individuals who truly envy what they do not have and posses.
The definition of fake:
· something that is a counterfeit; not what it seems to be
· forge: make a copy of with the intent to deceive; "he faked the signature"; "they counterfeited dollar bills"; "She forged a Green Card"
· impostor: a person who makes deceitful pretenses
· fudge: fake or falsify; "Fudge the figures"; "cook the books"; "falsify the data"
· bogus: fraudulent; having a misleading appearance
· juke: (football) a deceptive move made by a football player
· bullshit: talk through one’s hat; "The politician was not well prepared for the debate and faked it"
· not genuine or real; being an imitation of the genuine article; "it isn’t fake anything; it’s real synthetic fur"; "faux pearls"; "false teeth"; "decorated with imitation palm leaves"; "a purse of simulated alligator hide"
So fake you call me.. go on continue... I am my own individual who fakes not one aspect of who I truly am... I behold more than you can imagine but your shallow mind only allows you to see what you wish to see... fake I am because you wish me to be so.. Do not envy the fact that I have what you will never behold... fake is you in the morning fake is you at night fake is the face you see in the mirror fake is your life.
I am as eccentric as the sun setting at sunrise a flower blooming in the winter... leaves falling in the summer.. I am what you know nothing of.. And nothing you know of me.. Because I never let you close enough to see.. Fake is the image you portray.. I am honest in my ways you live a life of betrayal... fake is your realness... fake is what you surround your self with... fake is your true self!
I do not wish of your approval.. I do not yarn for your fondness.. I do not wish of you as friend because your fakeness I saw in the end.. You call me fake and that you define.. You think of me as fake because you do not know real.. Your money your ways are nothing but a lifeless dream you portray.
I wish not to shake your hand nor kiss your cheek... I wish not to enter your presence nor want what you seek.. I am beyond you and your superficial ways.. I am a dream truly unseen.. You will never understand me and my heart full of truth and love with no judgment which you do not see... live on you fake liver live on in your own world.. Dream of your materialist things... live on in your shallow empty ways.. Nothing you are to me.. You say I give only wanting in return.. I say I given only hoping god delivers me from the hell in which you will burn...

Its mine

Sometimes i wonder how can people be so sick.. how can individuals be so soulless.. how can others stand in each others faces and lie compulsively... Can we not go above this... Can man kind only continue to kill themselves one by one with no remorse just resentment... Must we feel jealous for things we don't have... I try day in and day out to humble myself to serve others as i would want to be served ... Truth is the more you give the more they take... Do you even need a hand to count those who would die for you... do you think a hundred lives would change your ways... Man will be man.. Woman will be woman... Humans will be humans.. But my soul is mine for the keeping... You can not touch it.. you can not shatter it nor darken it with your poison... Please hate me so i can love you and feel rewarded when i lay my head down.. call me lame call me plain call me stupid or crazy but always my soul will be the same..Free will remember.. what shall you chose.. to blame others or yourself.. surrender or lose..

Can I Please Be Closer

i went walking on the beach looking for something i wasn't sure of... twirling in the shallow ocean splashing the warm sea upon my skin... i sang a song of love attempting to summon the attention from my love above.. spectators admiring me with puzzlement in their eyes... they appear to wonder why i was so free... i cared not and keep singing to he...i sat on a sand dune and waited for him to give me a sign... i just needed to know he felt my heart was in need..i cried long and hard, with tears of power... I screamed... i let everything in me flow out.. then i felt a warm breeze, on my ear like a subtle whisper with a secret to unveil... i looked to my right in the skies beyond the sea and there i saw a rainbow with colors you would never believe! The sun was setting with its vivid tints of orange in the sky and the sea below it was deeply green , then darkness approached behind me like a cape which intended to cover my sight i turn and look with disbelief... gods work surrounding me... the thunder rolls behind me and black clouds come with speed; but before me i still had my rainbow which enthralled me.. I ask God if he was to busy to sit with me... i told him i didn't want anymore signs even with how amazing they could be... i know i know how selfish of me... i just wanted him.. him next to me.. him to be my friend and just sit with me..And even though i knew it was impossible physically still i asked could he really deny me.. oh how naive i could be... He is a busy man but i can not say he was was not listening... i can not say he was not there.. for i knew he was... But still i cried.. For him.. yearning to be closer .. for him to hold my hand.. for him to sit next to me and talk a while.. i cried for more... more of god around me..not more here but more there with him.. i just wanted his presence engulfing me... as i turned and observed the power and beauty around me.... i realized the whole time he was really with me... maybe not in the form we are intended to be... but in the form of his choosing he came to me.

In The Eyes of The Creator

In his eyes i am flawless for he created me to be as i am. Through his eyes i am a beautiful flower in constant bloom with seeds that will be sown. In his eyes i am that perfect snow flake with the soft flutter upon a child's cheek. Through his eyes i am perfectly imperfect. In the eyes of the creator my smile is like the sunrise, my tears the twinkle of the brightest star. When i am ugliest to the world, in my Creators eyes i am perfect. Flawed in so many ways to the average eye but in His eyes i am a rainbow in the rain. I am breathtaking in his image. How could one wish to be perfect to anyone else, if i am perfect for Him then that is all i need.

Equation of Love

The words i love you are truly shallow and superficial. Modern day love is nothing but merely simple infatuation. People don't really love one another they love the thought of another loving them. Love is timeless and selfless. Love is not just loving another human being, its loving all things. We search for another to love us because we lack the knowledge of how to love in general. Therefore we do live lonely worthless lives that feel like a everlasting void. Even with money, fortune, fame and a human "saying" I love you, we still walk the earth feeling unfulfilled. Because we truly do not know the unconditional love received or given to or from us. How many selfless acts do we really act? How many people really love as is not as i wish it to be. We truly are dreamers of the dream unseen. We dream of something very few ever experience. Love really is a very simple equation. But in this equation we must have the formula to completed it. That is where most of the world fails. We lack the formula to the oh so simple equation of love. People allow life to dictate their love. What people do in life and have in life is how we decide the worthiness of our so called love and who we "love". At the end of the day we always get it backwards. Love should dictate life. So are you wondering what is the complicated formula we all seem not to know? If you are i can teach you, as another has taught me, and my teacher is truly the greatest teacher of all time. My teacher said the formula to the equation of love goes as follows:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13

So there you have it. That is the true formula to the complicated equation of love. If one person can learn how to love like that, and there on teach another, maybe just maybe the world would finally be overcome with bliss and not pain, with happiness and not sorrow, with meaning and not a constant void. How many people do you know love without envy, anger or jealousy? Here's a funny one, how many people do you know that love without keeping account of wrong doings????? I no not one single person!! Not a single one! And on that same token i know not a single person who has received that same love. We set love up to fail by simple expectations alone. Even if we as man kind can never love exactly like that, i challenge each and everyone to at least attempt. I believe if we at the very least attempted to follow that formula that would increase our odds of true fulfilling love to happen to us and makes us more capable of giving it to someone else which is more important of the two. The selfless act of giving that love to one who knows not how to give it to us may just in time teach them how to love you just the same... just maybe.

Deception

Like the raging sea my emotions take over thee. Sickened by the thought of he. What words can I speak to draw a picture of what I seek? The wrath of pain stabbing thee continuously. If my tears were blood I would be dead, oh lord please turn these tears into the blood I speak of. Anger beating at thee, every moment it haunts me. When I close my eyes I see nothing but disgusting images of he lying in the arms of a woman that is not thee. I hate he. Screaming beneath the surface a smile is presented to the world as a cover. My insides are ripping and vile is poisoning me. The darkness is creeping into my soul, a soul that was so bright until he betrayed thee. Be gone sun and just give me night. Oh beautiful night take me away into the darkness, I wish to elope together for we are one of the same, me and you night are dark, cold and silent. Running. Running from the reality which chases me. Oh how could this be! No it can not be! Thou would never hurt me. The caress of thou hand, the soft supple kiss of his lips, the whisper of thou voice “I love you”. Thou would never hurt me. I am his angel of love. His fighter of life. Thou needs me; never no never would he betray me! The look in his eyes that say you are everything to me. The comfort of his arms oh beautiful arms that held thee. No! No! This is just a projection disguising the deception of he. I was in love with what I thought it to be. Now I know the reality and upon the acceptance of truth I hate he. Like a magician an illusion he made for thee. What I thought was truth was nothing but imagery. So farther I run in the night with my raging sea. Running from me. I wish to leave behind the parts that are following thee. I wish the dreams could be wisped away like a leaf falling from a tree. The hopes I wish I could erase like a fire which consumes the trees. The memories I wish I could slice up and drowned in the river of tears I have cried for he. The depth of my love is what kills me. It runs to the core of my soul, dear lord rip it from thee.

Set Free

I open my heart and spill these words. This i have done on many occasions. Most likely it is read by blind eyes and heard by deaf ears. Rarely is there appreciation expressed for the vulnerability i show in the attempt to console a loved one. Whats read is forgotten and what is heard is muffled. i dig deep in my heart and soul to find the perfect words to eleviate the doubts and worries of thee. Locked into deep thought i open my soul and drop my boundaries to hope in the end one living being will hear my words. I do not just write in hopes that someone will notice my passion for writing. I write to share with others what i can not say so well with my mouth. I write so that those i love and those i do not know can take their own interpretation of my words and hopefully take something with them. I take my heart out and slam it on the table and invite anyone to see. To see all the deep dark feelings and emotions others hide and confide. I have faced death and wished it upon myself with open arms because i know in death there is peace. Death to me is the ultimate end to this disgusting world that is infested with sin and sadness. But my dear Lord keeps me here. He keeps you here. So ask your self why does he have you reading this now. Are you the one person who will actually read this with open eyes and ears. Will you take from this the logic's of revealing all raw emotion that is within. I do not want to enable shame for things we feel. I do not want to enable the fear most have to open there hearts and say what is real. I tend to believe the things we hide and keep lock up end up ruling our lives. We give control to our fears by allowing them to eat us from within. I scream i yell i cry. A million tears have dropped and i feel not weak by them but strong. I pour my heart out because that is what empowers me. I am empowered by the sense of setting my heart free. So i do not think in my head should i say that to thee? I speak it and do not allow it to heighten my anxiety. When i am feeling sad i embrace this sadness through my sadness i appreciate the happiness which follows. I am hopeful through failure because each time we fail we learn. Even if its just learning that we did it the wrong way. Once we know the wrong way we can continue on our path of finding the right way. Oh anger great anger how it controls me. Anger is my least favorite of all of these. Anger is as poison that seeps within your body and with no sea can it be flushed from thee. Anger tends not to stay merely an emotion it becomes a verb in a sense, in anger we always tend to take action on whatever it may be. So i invite you to take your emotions and express them so you can be free. Do not give power to these negative feeling that may invade thee.

Africa

I sit and scan thru some pictures of Africa. I always tend to see two distinct things a beautiful land with exotic animal running abroad, then the second thing I see is sick people fighting for their lives. We have all seen the pictures of men, women, and children; their skin sucked in and bones sticking out. I think about WWII and you look at those pictures and what do you see? The same thing. People in slaved, murdered, raped, and starved. Sometime I get angry at our government, wondering why are we not helping. Did we not help in WWII. okay her is where my mind starts spinning. Reality is we have war every where. We have war in our own streets. What has this poor world become. Life never gets really good, we constantly will be at war. Only moments get good. When i look at these pictures of all these wars, there is always one picture of a smiling child. We as humans are survivors. In conditions like the war in Iraq, the war in Africa, the war in the streets, people still find those little moments that make them smile. Sometimes those little smiles are the only thing we have left to hold on to. Most of us can not even dream of a life like some of these people in these wars. A lot of times we only see whats in front of us, but we must always see beyond our selves; the world is a lot bigger than just us. It is true, we can only change one person at a time. We need to start with our selves, better us so we can help better the world one by one.

Cracking Point

Everyday that passes i wonder when does it get better when does it get easier... it seems only moments become easy.. .the big picture is always difficult to see... i am confused as to how long one must wait to see the light.. .to see the break in the cycle of hells doom... struggle after struggle occur and i no longer can up lift others heads for i cant up lift my own... i would like to write of inspiring things right now but i am at a loss... i tend to have words to help others but now i need words to help me... my faith has been shaken and i am losing sight of anything bright.. i am reaching... reaching for anything... anything positive... i am trying to find dreams and hope and faith all over again

Wine

Please tell me why.. why do people always lie... why do you say this and do that why do you say this and do nothing at all... is anger a sin, if so then i am sinning.. anger is what i feel... it is what is driving me.. it drives impulsive decisions... it makes you do what you wish you did not do... Is there such thing as a righteous anger? Is it okay to be angry for logical reasons.. I fight these things day after day and get even more angry that i am angry... wine makes the tongue loose.. wine makes the mind feel even worse... when it is good then its good but when it is bad then it is bad...when it rains it pours... and pours is the wine to my glass... do i say what i really mean or does the wine make me say what i truly do not believe.. why let go why set your self free so that you can be caught in a cage and then beaten.. you tell your self never again then you do how ignorant are me and you... so lets block and lets hide all those true feelings we have inside.. God knows how fun that kind of life is.. God knows anger and hatred are truly satens kids.. in Jesus Christ name i pray i pray you come take this anger and make it be gone like the moon at dawn... feel me with pure innocence feel me with joy and laughter of a little kid.. Please Lord recognize i am sensitive..

Failure

When you think things are right and they go wrong our first thought is we did something wrong... but the realization is even though we want it to go right God is telling us different.. but as humans we try to fight.. fight for what is not right.. and even though right now we don't understand the truth is that in time we will understand... we think we want to be with that certain someone and when it doesn't work we feel hurt but reality is that isn't who we need to be with.. we want a job but we don't get it we can be upset but that isn't the job we are suppose to have... So we actually make things harder for ourselves by trying so hard for things that are just not meant to be.. we learn nothing by success we only learn by failure... so when you think life is dishing you a plate of crap over and over the truth be told it is God making us better... so in a sense if everything is always right in your life you got to ask yourself am i becoming a better person.. no not at all.. instead when things are all going wrong praise the Lord because that means he paying attention to you and preparing you for something to come

Running

running
i have been running... running from not things i don't want... but things i want.. i run in fear of getting what i want and losing it... so you say better love lost then never loved... i say pain of loneliness is way better than pain of another... am i wrong.. does it even matter... how much control do i truly have.. how much is instinct.. can i change instinct... change what i have been turned into... so you say just let go... i say what is there to let go of... let go of me... this is me... no matter how much i hate it... i have change many things but this i can not change... because when i let go then my fears come true then i regret... i don't want to regret so i avoid.. is there any wining in this situation.. time and time again i hear lectures of how i am and how i need to be.. but this makes no difference... so am i destined to be like this for forever and always... or is God just making me this way for now.. i say i don't want things but in reality i do want them but don't want to lose them therefore i say i really don't want them... whoa what is going on... what can i do...

A Seed has Been Planted

In my soul there was a seed planted.... and at the time i thought it was growing in slow mode... but now i look and realize that the seed has grown quicker than i imagined... through my chest cavity... through my heart... out into the world this flower has bloomed.... now that the flower has been produced... it drops seeds one by one... other souls pollinate from my flower.... bringing the goods from my soul to theirs and others... i have been released.... and set free unto the world... in the name of Jesus Christ i have grown... i never thought in my growth others would prosper... but now i look upon those around me and know what i am here for... not until i started sharing the pollen did i feel the release of tension on my soul.... i realized its not what you get but what you give.... you are given gifts to share with others not to keep within yourself... have you been given something you refuse to share... do you have talents that you leave unattended and hidden.... remember they are there for us not for you;0)i am not writing this for me but for you.... share with the world my friends..all that God has given you..

Because of Men Like You

Because of men like you,
Your sisters will never love the way they should know love.
because of men like you,
Your true love will never trust you even when you are to be trusted.
because of men like you,
I've watch my mother and i bet yours cry many unnecessary tears.
Because of men like you,
Women are insecure, bitchy and difficult, from your emotional abuse.
Because of men like you,
I know women who have wished to die, tried to kill them selves, or succeed in the attempts.
Because of men like you,
Good women's hearts have been torn, riped, burned and shattered.
Because of men like you,
evey time i meet you i will put up my guard, i will not call, i will not care, i will not try, i will not bare
Because of men like you,
I will not love... i will not marry... i will not bring a child in this world in fear of...
MEN LIKE YOU

Words of the world

The words of the world are there waiting to be heard.

You do not hear them beneath the screams of pain and the echoes of cries.

Through the wind mother earth speaks, think of the times when the breeze surrounded you making you strain to continue on your path.

Then is when she tried to slow you giving you a chance to hear her out. Still you do not hear the words of the world.

You'd rather continuously fight to over talk others to hear your own voice than enjoy the voice of peace.

When there is no sound then you begin to hear the words of the world.

She tries to enchant you with the rhythms of water; the repetitive crash of waves into the shore. Even then you only hear yourself replaying your punitive thoughts.

At dawn she combines the powers of the sun and moon to form a breathtaking view of purple, orange and red skies.

Unfortunately upon your rising even with your skies calling for you to just look up and recognize the power of earth, you fail, distracted simply by your own mind filled with chaotic thoughts. Her subtle attempts only take her so far before she realizes the words of the world are not going to be heard by her temptress apparitions.

For she has blessed us with seas of all shades of blue and green, and breathtaking rain forest overrun with exotic colors that are orgasmic to our eyes. But do you stop to listen to the words of the world calling to you to save her from her own destruction.

Of course not, you wait till she screams with winds and rain, tearing your physical foundations down around you.

You wait till she explodes with lava scaring the land you once call home. Then briefly the words of the world start to seep through the poison of your mind and suddenly you see the words of the world. Her voice still you can't hear but her actions you are given no choice but to recognize. Upon your loss you swear to yourself that you will not take for granted the gifts from god to us, only to lie to yourself.

One month passes then two, month three passes and once again you do not hear nor see the power of the words. Now she cries from her own exhaustion of attempting to reclaim her place in existence. She once was worship for her gifts to man kind.

For once, man recognized her powers, she provides every necessity for man to live fulfilled. But do you hear the words of the world…Nope. Are you so naive to believe the sweat from your brow makes your seeds grow? Do you truly believe to slave your self hour after hour between four walls will make your sun continue to shine? Who ever blames the rains for the darkness which enfolds you misses the true meaning of the rain. You do it don't you; convince your self that earth can destroy you for no reason at all.

Listen and you will know the reasons of the circle of life. You think it don't you; that your life is greater than the grass and creatures which craw before you. May I say let the strong survive. The words of the world say it won't be man kind. It will be the bees that pollinate the flowers. It will be the seeds of which are already one with the earth. Neglect to accept the greater powers of life will cause you to pay.

For if you fail to bow down to the ocean, she will take your boat and strip your sands from beneath your so called lands. Also if you fail to acknowledge the power of the sun it will burn your skin and dry your lakes.

How bout the structure you call home do you think of it as your protection, don't, for the funnels of wind can run through your thoughts of protection and leave you naked to the world. I fear even with the force of mother earth upon your back you will still worship your man made buildings with pipes and wires.

She will rip down your walls in attempt to get you to hear the words of the world, but you will only shield your self behind another set of walls. So I tell you, do not waste your time asking why because you will not listen for the answers... Do not wish to be blessed when you do not even see the blessing which have already been given to you.

The words of the world say this; "your breath I give you, with your sight I give you things to see, when your hungered I give you things to eat, Remember I was here before you and will be here after you. God created me then you, the powers I carry are from god". So when you do not hear me nor see me, you are blind to Him as well. God speaks through the world, when are you going to stop to listen?